Stay at home mom guilt, working mom guilt, it’s all false guilt and we’re overcoming mom guilt today with 5 easy steps.
With the expansion of social media and providing more spaces for people to have discussions, judgement of people (especially mothers) feels at an all-time high currently. Put hundreds of people together to share their opinions and you’re bound to find someone who thinks what you’re doing is wrong.
This is where mom guilt comes in. Mom guilt mostly comes from social media and outside opinions of you and how you are deciding to be a mother and person. We call this false guilt.
Mom guilt is typically false guilt
To understand this, we need to define false guilt. False guilt is the guilt you feel when it’s coming from other people. The people around you are shaming you and making you feel guilty for your decisions and/or actions.
What is the source of your mom guilt?
When overcoming mom guilt, we have to figure out where the guilt is coming from. If it’s false guilt, it’s coming from society and people around us making us feel guilty for our choices and decisions. This is not guilt that is worth your time and energy.
True mom guilt (think “self-guilt”) is coming from inside you; when you make decisions that go against the type of person or mother you want to be. You’re going against yourself, not society and the people around you.
Determine the source of the guilt. If it’s coming from society, social media, family, etc and their perceived ideas of how you should be running your life, then it is false guilt and isn’t worth your time.
5 Ways to overcome mom guilt
- Remove false guilt: If you’ve asked yourself where the guilt is coming from and it’s from outside sources, then it isn’t worth your time or energy. Feel the feeling for 5 minutes and then move on.
- Distance yourself from people who make you feel guilty. Here’s the important part of this – remove yourself even if they don’t intentionally make you feel guilty. I’m talking about social media accounts of people you don’t know, family, “friends,” etc. If it’s someone that needs to be in your life, work on boundaries and guilt.
- Remember who you are: you are more than mom. Don’t overthink the guilt and let it consume you.
- Speak kindly to yourself: When you are telling yourself you’re guilty for XYZ, think about if you would say that to your friend – would you tell her she should feel guilty for the same thing? Probably not. You would tell her to give herself a break.
- Write it down: Write down your thought process as you’re thinking about the guilt, where it’s coming from, who is projecting it on you, etc. Getting your thoughts straightened out will help you sort through the mom guilt.
All moms have guilt
Guilt is normal and common, especially in motherhood. Half of society is telling us that we need to put our kids first and not prioritize ourselves, and the other half is telling us the opposite; take care of yourself so you can take care of your kids. The key is balance.
Stay at home mom guilt
When you’re staying at home with your kids, stay at home mom guilt can creep up on you for various reasons.
- You “should” be working to contribute to the family.
- You “should” be getting out of the house with your kids so they can socialize.
- You “shouldn’t” get a babysitter or daycare when you stay at home.
- You have extra time since you’re home – you should spend time making them all home cooked meals.
- You “shouldn’t” ever want to be away from your kids and ask for a break.
Staying at home with your kids is not easy. Combating the stay at home mom guilt can be really hard. But, if you remember the strategies of how to overcome mom guilt, you’ll be able to keep yourself in check and just focus on the type of mom you want to be, not the type everyone else tells you that you need to be.
Working mom guilt
As a working mom, you can feel guilt in a number of ways also. Like stay at home mom guilt, working mom guilt is also tough.
- You “shouldn’t” be working, you “should” be at home with your kids.
- Since you’re working, you “shouldn’t” be spending your free time with friends or on self-care.
- You “shouldn’t” be having someone else “raise” your kids.
- You need to work like you aren’t a mother and be a mother like you don’t have a career.
- You’re missing firsts and milestones with your kids because you’re working.
Overcoming mom guilt can be tricky but it’s possible to work to chip away at it, whether it’s stay at home mom guilt, working mom guilt, or any kind of mom guilt.
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