I’m going to be honest with you – parenting is hard. Anyone who tells you it’s easy is a dirty liar and clearly isn’t a parent. But, there are ways to make it less hard. Let’s explore why parenting may be hard for you and talk about how we can change that.
Navigation
- Understanding the Challenges of Modern Parenting
- Common Reasons why Parenting Feels so Hard for You
- Parenting Made Easier
- Action Steps
- Related Posts
Understanding the Challenges of Modern Parenting
Social Expectations
I read somewhere a quote that really made a lot of sense – “society expects you to parent like you don’t have a job and have a job like you aren’t a parent.”
Anyone who has had a full-time job and/or has been a parent, knows how absolutely insane and true this feeling is. We’re expected to never yell, teach our kids boundaries and also have friendships and a successful marriage.
This is completely unrealistic, so, thanks society! You can simply kick rocks.
Society setting these expectations on us can absolutely make parenting feel so, so hard for us.
Social Media
Social media is where we find out about the unrealistic expectations. It’s important to remember that we’re only seeing the highlight reel of people’s lives.
My favorite quote regarding stupid social media is this: comparison is the thief of joy. Don’t let your perceived idea of someone else’s life destroy the joy of yours.
Social media also plays a huge part in why making decisions in parenting is so hard. We have so much information at our disposal, between social media and the internet in general.
This sounds amazing, right? Well, sometimes it isn’t.
Information overload causes what I like to call Research Burnout – the result of too much research which ends in complete overthinking. This is exhausting and can make anyone feel like life is hard.
Common Reasons why Parenting Feels Hard for You
Lack of Support
We’re all told that it takes a village to raise a family. This was much easier in past generations. Now, with families having their own needs and family structures, it’s very hard to find that village that has the time to help us out.
Different Priorities
We have different priorities than two important people: our kids and our past selves. Our kids don’t care about a lot of the things we need to care about.
Like being on time to a doctors appointment. Your kids couldn’t care less, so it’s on us to get them moving.
We also have very many different priorities than we did pre-kids and our life was (relatively) easier.
Unrealistic Expectations
Whenever I am feeling like parenting is getting really tough, I try to assess my expectations. More often than not, they’re completely unrealistic, mostly my expectations of my kids and what they are capable of doing.
This is a tough pill to swallow because we don’t want it to be a “me problem” that needs to be fixed. We want it to be a “them problem” that needs to be fixed.
On the other hand, a “me problem” can be solved because we control it. a “they problem” is up to them, not us.
Improper Care of Self
I know, I know…here is that annoying phrase “self-care.” But, hear me out. You’ve got to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. So, getting in that self-care will help you become a more patient mother, I promise. If it doesn’t, then you’re doing self-care wrong.
Differences in Children
Something no one told us in the parenting books we didn’t read and parenting classes we didn’t take, was that every kid is so, so different. From the moment they’re conceived.
For some kids, boundaries are relatively easy. However, for others, they are fricking hard. Remember, these kids don’t come with a manual – it’s trial and error.
Lack of Immediate Gratification
Everyone wants immediate gratification, usually. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. A really, really long marathon where some parts are you running over hot coals barefoot, in the pouring rain while someone is asking you incessant questions about things you know nothing about, all while your least favorite music is blaring in your ears.
Oh, and you’re starving.
There is no immediate gratification anymore. We’re essentially giving these little ones the skills they need to function in life, but they’re not actually going to use them until you teach them approximately 4,496 times. (That’s a scientific number).
Parenting Made Easier
Before I spill the tea, I need to stress the word “easier,” emphasis on the “-er.” If you come in contact with a coach or teacher that tells you that they can help you make parenting easy, run fast. Because they’re either lying or they’re about to try to convince you to spend a ton of money.
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get to it.
Unlock Calm: The Cheat Sheet for beating mental overwhelm
This is the framework I use to solve problems that have me way overthinking things. Usually, I use it for more specific problems, but I’m going to apply it to parenting in general.
Evaluate the Problem
The first step is to state the problem you’re facing. For this one, it’s parenting! We’re stressed out and overwhelmed. It has to end and can’t be like this all the time.
Realistic Expectations
Are your expectations realistic? Are you expecting too much (or even too little) of your kids? A simple shift in your expectations can make such a difference in how you handle it.
Annoying Mindset
I know, why would I use a negative word like “annoying?” Well, because I’ve always found mindset annoying. I don’t believe mindset is everything, but it’s a part of it. Find some mindset phrases that work for you and your situation.
Self-Nurture
How are you taking care of yourself? And I don’t mean “are you showering every day.” I mean are you getting out of the house by yourself, are you making time for friends, are you enjoying hobbies?
I call this self-nurture, otherwise known as self-care.
Execute
Put your plan in place. Get your mindset phrases ready and in your sight, put your self-nurture plan in place and lower your expectations.
Find Your Village
Make friends. Easy, right? Ha! Here are a few ways to find that village:
- Just talk: At the gym, at the park, at school pick up. Just talk to other moms and get to know them. I know this sounds very scary but I promise you, you won’t regret it. You’ll find your people.
- Online: Some of my closest friends I found online in neighborhood Facebook groups. You see their comments so you know what kind of person they are so reach out to them.
- Mom support groups: These can be hard to find nowadays but if you do, check them out.
- Be open: Be open to making new friends and welcoming new people into your world.
You can dive deeper into find your village in this blog post: Navigating Mom Friendships: Make Mom Friends and Keep Them
Action Steps
- Grab the Unlock Calm: The Cheat Sheet for beating mental overwhelm and start applying the ERASE method when you feel parenting is hard for you.
- Start talking to other moms to build your village.
- Check your mindset and expectations – are they helping or hurting you?
- If you’re still finding that parenting is hard for you and completely unenjoyable, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional for more help.