Navigating Mom Friendships: Make Mom Friends and Keep Them

Feeling like you have no mom friends can really be draining, especially when you’re navigating life with kids. You should know, that you can make mom friends – it just takes effort from both sides.

making mom friends - quick guide to making mom friends and keeping those mom friendships. drawing of the back view of 3 women in jean shorts and sweatshirts

Everyone pictures their life as a mom with friends that they’ve had their entire lives.

The reality, though, is that we lose touch with a lot of people from our early life due to many different reasons – and this is okay.

Mom Friendships are so different than friendships before having kids. You learn so much about each other when you watch them become a mom. Some of us feel like they have to find all new adult friends, and that sounds really freaking scary.

Making mom friends feels hard and scary

Why? Sometimes it can feel like we are back in high school, trying to make friends.

  • Your standards have changed: As you become a mom, your ideas of what a good friend is may have changed. This can be confusing for us also and can be a roadblock to actually going out and making those friends.
  • Mom judgement: In the world of the internet and many, many ways of thinking, it can be easy to feel like you’re being judged. You don’t want to say the wrong thing or bring up the wrong topic while meeting someone new.
  • Parenting style clashes: People tend to be very set in their ways, especially when it comes to something passionate like parenting. We don’t want to think that there are other ways to do something when we’re so used to doing it one way. It feels hard to navigate this part of making mom friends.
  • Scheduling: When our kids start to get older, our free time starts to slowly escape from our hands like the bubbles in the Sunday night toddler bubble bath. Our families are our first priority, so it feels selfish and unattainable to make more time for friends, let alone to find them.
  • Cliques: As I said earlier, it feels like some mom cliques are already established and it can feel quite like high school all over again! Our social anxiety kicks in and we don’t want to reach out to join.
  • We’re overthinkers: As with everything we talk about in this corner, don’t overthink it. If you want to text them, text them.
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Types of mom friends

There are 5 types of mom friends that every mom needs. It’s important to note that one friend can cover multiple groups!

  • The Validator: This mom friend is always there to validate you. You have very similar views in how you raise your kids and live your lives. You go to this friend when you need to be validated.
  • The Challenger: This is the mom friend that will be honest with you and potentially challenge you when needed. You want a second perspective, so you go to this friend to get it.
  • The Experienced Mom: This is the mom who has been through it. Her kids are older than yours, she’s been married longer than you and she’s seen friends come and go. She will give you great, honest advice. She’ll tell you what she did in your position or what she would do in your position.
  • The Stress Relief: This is the mom who will just listen when you need it. You don’t need advice, you just need to vent. You can also go to this mom when you need a night out or to get away from the house for a bit. She’s always up for a good time.
  • The Village: This is the mom you’ll go to when you need things done – you have a doctor’s appointment and you need someone to watch the kids. You desperately need to have a date night with your partner so they step in to watch the kids.

How to make mom friends

  • Just talk. Sometimes the easiest thing is to just do it. I would say the majority of women looking for mom friends feel just awkward as you. Taking the initiative can be all you need.
  • Online. As much as we may not want to admit it, we live most of our lives online. We all have a favorite neighborhood/town Facebook group we either watch or run to when we need suggestions. You can read around and watch and get to know some people just by their comments. Some of my best mom friends currently were met in my adult life after 30.
  • The park. We’re always seeing each other at the park, watching over our kids. It’s a great opportunity to speak up and ask for connections.
  • Mom support groups. Sometimes hospitals host free mom support groups and you can find some great friends there.
  • Be open to meeting them. One of the reasons why I was so hesitant to make new friends was because I felt like I didn’t need them. I had friends from high school and college. But then, our lives starting getting so different so I started to realize that I needed to start making new mom friends.
Flooded with decisions? simplify your thoughts and reduce mental overwhelm today with this free guide.

How do I make time for mom friendships?

Oof, making time for mom friendships feels impossible. But, with intentional friendships, we have to make sure we’re going out of our way sometimes to make that time.

  • Schedule, schedule, schedule: Get these get togethers in the calendar way in advance.
  • Make it a routine: If you make these outings and get togethers with your friends a routine, it will become a part of your life and you’ll be able to fall into them. Join classes and groups together that are already scheduled.
  • Be flexible: Friendships don’t need to be in person. A text friendship can be strong, too. You can also keep in touch via a video messaging app. As I write this post, Marco Polo is a great option. It’s a video messaging app and you can send video messages at your leisure.
  • Build in play dates: If you have kids that are within a year or 2 of each other, plan play dates so that you and your friend can have conversations while they’re playing – kill two birds with one stone!
  • It’s a form of self-care: Weave these events and get togethers into self-care. Having and keeping friends is a form of self-care!
  • Reschedule right away: If something comes up and you have to reschedule something (it will), do it right away, don’t wait on it. If you want on it, it won’t happen.

You don’t need a lot

The truth is, you don’t need a lot of mom friends. It’s much simpler and more effective if you have a small number of closer friends, rather than a large number of acquaintances.

Flooded with decisions? simplify your thoughts and reduce mental overwhelm today with this free guide.

Mom friendships are intentional friendships

Intentional friendships are those friendships that both parties make a conscious effort to maintain and strengthen that friendship. It takes a lot of work and means that friendship is strong, because of it.

Mom friends that put this extra work into a friendship do not do it lightly. These friendships mean something because moms are busy. They’re not going to put effort into a friendship that doesn’t mean a lot to them.

Intentional friendships also offer a form of deeper and authentic friendships. Since you’re taking the time to foster these mom friendships, they do become deeper. These friendships are so important and mean so much more.

To summarize:

  • Making mom friends doesn’t have to be hard. Put yourself out there and make it a priority.
  • Keep certain mom friends in your corner:
    • The Validator
    • The Challenger
    • The Experienced Mom
    • The Stress Relief
    • The Village
  • You can meet mom friends in a variety of places, so start looking out for them!
  • When you make mom friendships a priority, it becomes easier to fit them into your schedule.
  • Remember that mom friendships are no joke. If someone is making time for you, they really want you around. We are busy people.

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