Have you ever felt like you’re just… off?
You’re doing all the “right” things—keeping the kids alive, managing the house, maybe even working or volunteering—and yet, there’s this nagging feeling that you’ve lost something important. Spoiler alert: it might be you.
If you feel like you’re losing yourself in motherhood, I want to let you in on something that could help you feel more grounded, confident, and in control again: core values.
Before you roll your eyes and think, “That sounds like something you’d hear at a corporate retreat,” hang with me. This stuff is actually life-changing—and surprisingly simple.
Want the podcast version of this post? Listen in here.
What Are Core Values (And Why Should Moms Care)?
Core values are the things that matter most to you. They’re the traits, beliefs, and principles that act like a compass for how you live and make decisions.
The problem is, once you become a mom, people treat it like your entire identity is supposed to shift. Like mother replaces every other part of you. But that’s not how it works. You don’t stop being you. You just gain a new role.
And that feeling of losing yourself in motherhood? It often comes from living outside of your values—or not knowing what they are in the first place.
Why Core Values Matter in Mom Life
Moms make hundreds of decisions every week—some big, some tiny. And when you don’t have a clear internal compass, you end up basing those decisions on outside noise: what Instagram says, what your mother-in-law expects, or what that one Facebook mom group is preaching this week.
That leads to:
- Mom guilt
- Burnout
- Decision fatigue
- Resentment
- Feeling like you’re failing, even when you’re not
But when you know your core values, you make decisions faster, feel better about them, and spend way less time second-guessing yourself. You stop asking, “What should I do?” and start asking, “What’s right for me?”
Signs You’re Not Living In Alignment With Your Values
You might not have the language for it yet, but if you’re experiencing these things, your core values might be getting trampled:
- You say yes to things and immediately regret it
- You scroll social media and feel worse after
- You feel like you’re doing everything “right,” but still feel stuck or resentful
- You find yourself mimicking influencers whose lives don’t reflect your reality
This isn’t just random discomfort. That’s your inner self waving a red flag.
How to Reconnect With Yourself (Through Core Values)
Here’s a quick 5-step process from my free workbook to help you uncover your core values.
No pressure to have it all figured out—just start here.
1. Reflect on What Matters Most
As a mom, but also as a human. What do you want your kids to learn from you? What do you want to stand for?
2. Notice What Frustrates You
Frustration is often a clue. Hate chaos? You might value order. Feel drained by commitments? You might value peace or autonomy.
3. Look at How You Spend Your Time and Energy
Are your days spent in alignment with your values—or are you stuck in obligation mode?
Remember: rest, creativity, and joy are productive.
4. Choose Your Top 5 Values
Some examples: honesty, connection, simplicity, independence, peace, humor, creativity, boundaries, real self-care.
5. Pick One Small Action
Just one!
If you value connection, plan a game night. If you value creativity, grab your coloring book. Keep it simple.
Core Values + Mindset Bullsh*t
Once you name your values, you’ve got to keep them front and center. Tape them inside your kitchen cabinet, write them in your journal, or say them out loud in the car.
And when life starts pulling you in a million directions, come back to a few solid mindset reminders—what I lovingly call the mindset bullsht*:
- “I don’t have to be everything to everyone.”
- “Peace is a priority, not a luxury.”
- “I’m allowed to live by my values—even if it disappoints someone.”
- “Quality over quantity.”
- “That mess can be cleaned up later.”
- “Traditions are important to me.”
- “Give yourself a break.”
- “You don’t know what the other person is going through—give them grace.”
You Don’t Have to Keep Losing Yourself in Motherhood
This is your permission slip to stop running on autopilot and start living like you again.
👉 I’ve put together a free guided workbook to help you uncover your own core values. No fluff—just simple questions, examples, and space to reflect.
[Grab the free download here.] (or insert your actual link)
Wanna Chat?
If this blog post hit home, share your top 3 values with me on Instagram @mostlyundercontrol—I love hearing what moms come up with.
And if you have a story to tell (hint: you do), I want you on the podcast. Let’s talk hobbies, systems, life, or whatever you’ve been dying to get off your chest. DM me and we’ll make it happen.
Remember: Mom is your title, not your whole damn story.
I’m honored to be part of it.
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