The Second Child Guilt

A friend of mine came to me with the need to vent. She loves her 2 children absolutely dearly and there is no denying that. But sometimes she is brought back to when life was much easier…with just one child.
Moms who have more than one kid – do you ever think how much easier life was before you added kid 2, 3, 4, etc? 
Oh, no? 
Yea, no me either…
Okay, all bullshit aside, here is some real talk.
I do. 
I honest to Pete (whoever Pete may be) think about how easy life was before kid 2, but then I instantly feel a pang of mom guilt. Why, you ask? Well, for starters, I am the QUEEN of mom guilt. And because I seriously am in love with both my kids. I love my first with the fire of 1000 suns, she is smart, kind and hilarious. My second is my last, and I have never felt such contentedness, he completes me and our family and I never knew I had enough love for two kids. So now that I’ve convinced you I truly love my kids, and equally at that, I will be honest and give you the promised real talk.
I waited a long time between my kids. My first was 3 and a half when her brother arrived, she was potty trained, she slept through the night, she was in preschool and semi-self sufficient. I selfishly waited because I couldn’t fathom 2 in diapers or 2 not sleeping through the night, but I also had no interest in changing the amazing groove she and I had. Our little family of 3 had it all, we had fun, we enjoyed each other, we did so much together! But, alas, baby fever reared its ugly head and even though I thought I was content with my perfect daughter, I needed another. I didn’t care if number 2 were a boy or girl. I just couldn’t wait to smell, touch and hear a newborn.
We got pregnant quickly, and my whole second pregnancy was a whirlwind. Suddenly, my due date came and so did our son. Our son, all 7 pounds 6 ounces of him, was perfect and I swelled with love just like I did when we met our daughter. The first 2 months were long and filled with lots of tears and a lot of spit up, medicine, doctors, tests and hospital visits. It was hard on all of us, and I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. I thought in my head “things have to get easier” and they did. Or at least I thought they did.
A week or so ago my husband and I had just my oldest in tow while we ran errands (our son was napping at grandma’s) and it was so easy. I had no diaper bag, no diapers, wipes, extra clothes, or any other kid paraphernalia that takes up a giant bag. There was no fussing because I was containing a child in a God forsaken cart. It was a pleasant afternoon out.
Then, a few days later, my parents took my oldest over night just because. Bedtime was a breeze with just my son. No whining about only having to choose between the 2 pink nightgowns because the purple one is getting washed. No trips up and down the stairs a million times because she “wasn’t having a good night.” No complaints of dyer thirst as if she’d run a marathon in a desert. With only my son it was some milk, a knocked out kid and that was that.
Each time I only had one, I thought “Holy shit! What the hell, why is this so easy!?” then very quickly I regretted that thought. Then my brain went to “I miss my baby” and had a good ole dose of mom guilt. Life was easier with one, life is easier if I get a break from one, and things are most definitely less overwhelming. But, life is amazing with 2. My kids love having each other, and I most definitely love having them. My brain may not fire correctly, I may not remember when my last shower was, and I honestly don’t know how I get through a bad day sometimes, but it is amazing. Things have changed, life has changed but all for the better. I could never imagine my life with only one. My sassy but sweet, quick witted daughter and my destructive, lovable son have made me realize that being a parent was the one thing in life I never knew I wanted and that feeling only came after my son. It is hard, amazing, fulfilling, exhausting and my biggest accomplishment yet and life with 2 is definitely better than 1. 

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