A few months ago in my mommies group on Facebook, someone made a great post. She asked us all to share a phrase that we’d never thought we would say until we had kids. 113 comments later, a blog post was born. You’re welcome.
“Please put your penis away and eat your dinner.”
“I just washed your hands. If you touch your vagina again, we will have to wash again.”
“Don’t stick the cat’s tail in your nose.”
“Your sister’s face is not a racetrack.”
Kid: (whining/crying) Pee pee. Amorming!
Me: pee pee amorning?
Me: you want to say good morning to your pee pee?
Me: you want me to change your diaper so you could say good morning?
::changing diaper::Kid waves…”Aaaamorning Pee Pee”!!!
Me: Stop licking your brothers face.
Child: well I’m thirsty…Me: being thirsty does not make it acceptable to lick your brothers face.
“Don’t put sisters toothbrush on your penis!
“No honey, that’s Mommy’s bra, not a hat”
“Please don’t put your hair clippies inside the Virgin Mary, it’s not nice”.
“Please don’t lick the trash can.”
“Please don’t put your hands on the toilet”
“Don’t eat the raisin box.”
“Get the thermometer out of your nose please.”
“Get your fingers out of your butt”
“Please don’t put sour cream in your hair.”
“Mr Quackers (washcloth) doesn’t touch your penis!”
“Get your toothbrush out of your butt.”
“Why yes, your piece of poop in the potty DOES look like a boat.”
“Don’t move. I have to get the rice off your vagina first.”
“Thanks for the reminder to push my penis down in the potty.”
“Uh oh, the batteries are dead.” Said about everything that turns on that I don’t want him to play with anymore.
“Please don’t eat your shoe.”
“Please give me your booger.
“Please STOP licking me”
“Get your fork out of your hair; it’s not a dinglehopper.”
“Do not ever color the toilet again!”
“Take the crayon out of your vagina”
“Please don’t color on the table with your gravy.”
“It’s not good manners to hide under my dress.”
“Why do you have cheese in your crotch?”
“Please tell me that’s chocolate on your hands”
“Please do not stick your narwhal up your nose.”
“Don’t put your fingers in your butt.”
“No dancing naked in the window.”
“I think that’s my hair coming out of your butt.”
“Please don’t put rice on your penis….”
“Don’t cry honey, one day your penis will be as big as daddy’s”